This month's Quote to Reflect Upon really spoke to me. Here it is for you to read again.
To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan
Choosing is such a powerful concept. And one I remind myself of daily, as situations arise and I must choose how to feel, how to respond, how to cope, how to appreciate, etc. By gaining this awareness, I have freed myself of much torture by realizing my power; the power of my choice. I have used that power to break the habit of procrastination. I have used that power to appreciate each moment, just as it is, because the sum of it all is my life. I even use it to remind myself that life just is; I can choose to see it one way or another.
So, with all of that practice choosing thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. I was surprised to find this pretty self aware person forgetting the power of her own choice. And, recently, it finally caught up to me. It seems that since my awareness was AWOL, life decided to put some smelling salts under my nose and get me to wake up!
The Wake Up Call
At work, I have always been the one to do more than expected, be better than the other choice, etc. And, understandably, the more responsible one is given the most work. Somehow, over time, I had allowed it to become a burden. Something I shouldered because it is just who I am. Last month, the burden became too much to carry. In fact, my fatigued muscles could no longer hold it and I dropped it.
A little background: I have one true boss but 2 separate jobs. The second job is actually managed by the asst. boss, so I run my work through him. This whole experience began by me uttering the words that are very hard for me to say. I told him, "It pains me to say that I can't do something, but I just can't." The surprised look on his face indicated that he really wasn't ready for steady Suzanne not to be able to handle it all. The encounter ended with me understanding that as he isn't my true boss, he wasn't going to do a thing about my concerns.
I actually planned to just keep plugging away and going on, same as before. However, for the days following that day, I would actually find my mood dropping noticeably as I pulled my car into the driveway at work. Events during the day that would normally frustrate me but be held in check were suddenly handled by this emotional basket case who couldn't 'keep it together' anymore. I had been overwhelmed by this burden for a year and a half but, all of the sudden, my insides were saying "Enough!"
With choice comes responsibility and I, somehow, forgot the responsibility I keep in high regard: the responsibility of taking care of me.
If You Don't Look Out for Yourself, Who Will?
I scheduled a meeting with my boss with the preface that I wanted my job duties reevaluated because unresolved workload issues had been building up and I was at a breaking point. And, as I don't like to present problems without possible solutions, I said that I specifically wanted to discuss removing one of the following from my area of responsibility: Job A (preferred) or Jobs B, C & D.
In the end, there were some great changes made and some rotten ones as well. Time will tell if this choice to stand up for myself will change their behavior in the future. As for me, I am thrilled to have finally woken up and remembered the power of my choice.
Until next time...Take Care Of You!
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