Your Children Are Listening to You

Just a short and simple reminder that your children are listening to you, learning from you. Are you teaching through words, thoughts and actions that you value yourself by Taking Care Of You? Or are you teaching, instead, that there isn't enough time or reason to do so?

Lately, I've been reminded of this by my children. Hearing words come from my son have me thinking "How rude!" and then I realize, "Hey, that is a saying of mine". Ooh, touché! Or, seeing my daughter holding her arm out (because she asked for something, I didn't hear the request and now she's impatiently waiting) and then saying "I'm not going to hold this out forever". Yikes, a double blow.

As you can see, impatience and sarcasm have been my blunders lately. Every time I get overwhelmed and start throwing out this kind of talk, there are several other negative things going on that they don't see or hear. I am not breathing well, I am tensing my body and I am feeding my racing thoughts to fuel the frustration fire even more. But, the part that gets me most is not what it's doing to me, it's what I am doing to them. Along with that is the always guilt-inducing thought, "I'm setting such a bad example".

Are they learning how to calm themselves? No. Are they learning how to vent it out on others? Yes. I could go on but it boils down to this: Are they being taught to take care of themselves so they can better share themselves with others? Nope.

So, as my kids enjoy a 2-day stay with their Aunt before school starts up again, I am going to enjoy my alone time. I want them to come back to a mom who has taken her time out and is ready to play nicely again!

And, as Lisa learned, sometimes they don't forget our slipups! ;-)

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Photo Credit: Beautiful Baby

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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To Me, From Me


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Sharing My Blog Reader With My Blog Readers

Thanks for checking out this post and finding out a little more about me. There's been an update posted, if you'd like to see what's been inspiring me lately. Sharing My Blog Reader Update #1 can be found here.

Reading is an integral part in how I acquire information and new perspectives. Give me a link to an enlightening or inspiring read on the net and you are held in high esteem by me. Now and again, though, I declutter my blog reader because, even though I love to add all of the interesting new blogs I come across, I don't have time to page through clutter or read things that don't interest me any longer. Learning to edit my life has been one of the most positive things I have ever done for myself.
  • Decluttering my stuff helped me to stop having a scarcity outlook.
  • Decluttering my mind has helped me to move forward and gain much perspective.
  • Decluttering my email inbox, blog reader and misc subscriptions has helped to keep me from a cycle of procrastination/overwhelmed/guilt, which led to distancing myself (i.e. deleting it all...with a lot of guilt attached for the loss of the information I never got to read) and then slowly reconnecting (reading the new stuff religiously for awhile) and then letting it get away from me again, which led to more guilt.
Now, this is not to say that I unsubscribe after one post that doesn't interest me. I am a very loyal person, actually. I believe that it's about balance. Every thing, every person, etc. has a time period of when it needs to be in your life. Holding it past that time leads to much anxiety. Usually, I feel when it is time for me to clear the clutter. Sometimes it's just a feeling of overwhelm, which leads to avoidance of that which is causing it. Sometimes it's a feeling of trying to hurry through that which I'm doing because there is just so much to do. Sometimes it's just because I'm in a great state of positivity.

Right now, I am excited to see what awaits me each day in my blog reader again, as it's been edited and suits me very well right now. I do appreciate this short-lived moment and will enjoy it to its fullest.

So, if you'd like to see what's going to enlighten and inspire me for the next while, check out these awesome blogs.

Every Day (folder)
15 Minute Lunch
Fashion Under $100
Get Rich Slowly
Just Lisa, No Filler
Livin' la vida LuLu
Positively Present
Simple Marriage
Simple Mom
Small Notebook
The Simple Dollar
Unclutterer

My Blogs
(folder)
365 Days of Decluttering Challenge
Taking Care of You (you are here :-)

New Finds
(folder)
A Content Life
Authentic Mama
Being More Through Having Less
Create a Balance {for moms}
Joyful Days
My Simpler Life - Simple Living
Nannygoat
On Simplicity
reSPACEd: Home Design and Organization for the Budget Conscious
Serene Journey
Sources of Insight
Strong Tea
The Positivity Blog | Increase Your Happiness and Awesomeness
The Rat Race Trap
Tidy Brown Wren, bringing order to your nest

Sergis-TCOY search
(folder)
Feed results with my name, TCOY or tcoyou

Time Permitting
(folder)
I Choose Change
I've Paid For This Twice Already
Musings of a Housewife
No Credit Needed
Organizing Your Way
PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement
Raptitude
Steve Pavlina's Personal Development Blog
The Darkworker Experiment
Quest for Balance ... although it will show as (title unknown) in your reader. ;-)
Unleash Reality

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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Taking Care of Your Home is TCOY

It's More Mental Than Physical
Cleaning our home is a job that does not ever end. If you are one of the majority who don't absolutely love it, then I bet you wish you could give it no more of a passing thought than, say, breathing. But that is not so. It's a major endeavor that drains us emotionally, mentally and physically; calling upon our lesser traits, such as procrastination, guilt and self-loathing, to aid in wearing us down. Sounds so melodramatic, I know.

This is not the case every time but I'm sure you know how it feels when it does happen.

For some of us, we can do so well for quite awhile. Then life happens and suddenly we wake up one day to realize that our house is a mess. Who let this happen and why? Or maybe you're the type who handles all the housecleaning day in and day out, with no problems whatsoever. Well, except for feeling unappreciated and not realizing your amazing efforts equate to taking care of you. And still others may not have ever known how it feels to have your home welcome you in the door -- free of trip hazards, piles everywhere and bad smells.

My heart goes out to all of those whose own mind or body works against them, whether it be mental illness, physical restrictions, etc. For the rest of us, we can keep doing the same thing and getting the same results or we can find out what else might work for us and move forward.

Make The Best of It
Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say that everyone should learn to love cleaning but there is some value in the notion of at least making the best of it. The way to do that is to look at it with a TCOY perspective.

Whether it be tidying up, general cleaning or deep scrubbing, if you are the one doing it then you need to look at it as Taking Care Of You. If it happens to benefit others that is great too, but, to find the true path to housecleaning happiness, you must be doing this for you. And, speaking of others, if there is more than one person in your household then my opinion on the matter is that there should be more than one person doing the work. Every dynamic is different so I can't propose any breakdowns here. I'll just share what I tell my own family and leave it at that: If everyone does a little, no one has to do a lot.

Below are six areas to focus on as you take care of you while taking care of your home.

Work With Yourself, Not Against
Realize you are unique and what works for some may not for you. It's good to look for new methods or to admire how another person handles their tasks but, ultimately, not even the best technique ever invented will work if it works against you. If it works against your strengths, gives power to your weaknesses and is not a genuine 100% effort, not only will the housecleaning not happen but you may be in worse shape mentally as well. We humans are not born with unlimited motivation. One of the greatest things we can do is to fire up our motivation. If you were born as self-motivated, use it! If not, you will have to use external motivation but, by all means, use it!

Be Aware of the Power of Habits
Much of what we do is habit driven. Only you will be able to know what your habits are doing or not doing for you. Take a look at your housecleaning habits.

* Are your habits driven by you? Meaning, is your housecleaning a process or more of an afterthought?
* Are your habits positive? Those that are positive should be built upon and those that are not need your attention to slowly but steadily make them into positive and fulfilling.
* Are your habits unconscious? If so, you will need to develop more awareness to realize their impact in your life. Write down what you do, when you do it and how you felt as it happened. You should begin to see that without fail, there are habits being acted upon even without your notice.

Work Backwards to Discover Your Barriers
It's time to look at your piles, hotspots, messes, or whatever you call them. Most of us are not absolute slobs and love being one, so, usually these areas exist because of a breakdown in the system. The most important of which is barriers. An active barrier would be that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes so the dirty ones pile up in the sink or on the counter. A passive barrier would be that you don't put things away because you 1) haven't identified a home for them and 2) actually do put them in that place.

It's pretty cool when you start realizing your barriers; it's almost comical. As you look at your 'area', you might remember why some of the things accumulated there in the first place. Identify the reason, the barrier, that led to it. In the future, this kind of situation will come up again. Hopefully, growing your awareness will enable you to see the barrier for what it really is so you can consciously move past it instead of being unconsciously derailed by it.

Now, if you can't readily identify the reason, there might just be a passive barrier at work. Begin examining what might be working against you, either internally or externally. Do you always set stuff here (habit)? Does the object not have a home? Was it only going to be set here "for a minute" (not utilizing the "Do It Now Principle")? As you start sifting through it all you might see that you were just being weak-willed or that the home environment does not support the change. Identifying the barrier will definitely help you to understand what's not working...so you can work on making it work for you, not against you.

Embrace the Do It Now Principle
Routines work great for me, personally, but I do realize that not everyone else does well with them. At the very least, realize that doing something a little at a time works with our internal desire to get out of work and that, when everything has and is returned to 'a home', you are halfway done as far as cleaning goes. Applying the Do It Now Principle, like wiping the bathroom mirror when you see toothpaste splatters on it or putting away shoes instead of kicking them off wherever, etc. will become a routine in and of itself. If you wish to add more and build bigger routines, please remember to do so slowly and in a way that works for you.

Remember, You Are Only Human
As always, be patient and loving with yourself. It is near impossible to change overnight with perfect results. Every step forward should be acknowledged and every step backward should not be used against you. If that backwards step can be a learning experience, find the lesson and apply it. Otherwise, let it go.

Take Action
OK, there's only so much "thinking about" needed. Now you need to take action! Go forth and conquer the task of housekeeping...or at least don't let it overwhelm you!

You and your family are your home's most important guests. Keep your perspective positive as you take care of your home the TCOY way...because your home should welcome you, not enslave you.

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Photo Credit: Person Cleaning
Photo Credit: Barrier

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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TCOY Spotlight ~ The Darkworker Experiment

Recently, I put the TCOY spotlight on a blog that I've read for quite awhile and have always admired (SimpleMarriage.net), both for my own growth and how it helps us all to focus on taking care of ourselves.

Now I'm going to spin it around onto a website I just found, via a most indirect way...the title of one of its articles was included in a comment on another blog. The post the comment related to and the title of the post the comment included deeply intrigued me.

So, after turning to my pal G, I located the article and began a new journey. Usually, the personal development websites/blogs I read are happy and uplifting. This one was not; it was cynical and dark. I continued reading because within its words were messages I needed to read. They had been crafted as to not appeal to that "light side" as others were, yet they still engaged and enlightened my mind.

Without further ado, I introduce you to The Darkworker Experiment.

Below are articles linked on the page above. Although you may have followed the links while reading the post above, I've included them below as stand-alone references because I believe they are that important.

A Darkworker Arises

If the two posts above have peaked your interest and the writer's wit & style of humor is something you enjoyed (or at least didn't reject), then read the following posts to go a little further into their experiment. I warn you...this is when it does get a little darker but well worth the time to read.

What is a Darkworker?

Why You Should Love Yourself?

Speaker for the Dead
Although this page is still under construction, there's wisdom in the following words: Because Darkworkers live each moment like it was their last. When you accept death, you conquer life.

And, lastly, I've included the post below just for your information...as it was my first introduction to The Darkworker Experiment. You were introduced a lot more slowly than I was, lucky you. ;-)

The Types of Nemesis
(If you're interested, the backlink on the bottom is the post that led me to the Darkworker Experiment.)

Now, as in life, things have come full circle. Hope you enjoyed your walk in the shadows. Maybe you've enjoyed it so much you plan to continue or maybe, like me, you returned to the light and gulped in the brightness that met you. I missed you light side. When I left you, I was complacent. Now, at least, I appreciate you again.

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Photo Credit: Heart Spotlight

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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Suzanne Is Away and Unplugged

Hello, this is Suzanne. If you have reached this message, I am away at the moment. Any messages left for me will be returned, once I have returned, in the order they were received. Hope you make it a great day and, as always, thank you for your interest in TCOYou.com.

(beep)

At my regular day job, I love when it comes time to change my extension's voicemail to a vacation message. In the days preceeding it, the anticipation builds as I eagerly count down until it's time to go like an excited child. Recording the message just sends me that much higher because I know that tomorrow is the day when I get to get away. And, now, as I'm writing this a few days before I leave for 6 days on vacation, I'm feeling that old familiar feeling. It's almost time to go, yay!

Until July 11th, I can be found around our weekend home or on my weekend couch.



As there is no internet access where we go, I'm going to enjoy my unplugged time! I'll be back soon. :-)

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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Fearless Living: Moving Forward Financially

This post is part of the Fearless Living Series, whose posts serve to spotlight areas of your life where fear may be holding you back and to motivate you to find a plan to use in squelching that fear. As long as fear hinders or motivates you, Taking Care Of You will not be a priority in your life.

As Leo Babauta of Zen Habits said so well, "When you take action on a problem, it’s not so bad — it’s just a series of steps you need to take to solve the problem...The plan will kill the fear. It is taking something that is scary and unknown, and turning it into something concrete, solvable, doable."

Fear is such a life drainer. Do not give your power over to fear. Instead, use that fear as a catalyst to prompt you into action. Are you ready to take your power back and experience Taking Care Of You through fearless living?

Doing Anything Is Better Than Nothing
Something I've heard before keeps coming to mind: If we keep doing what we're doing, we'll keep getting what we've got. I don't know if the attribution I found was correct but I'm sure you might have heard something similar before. It's a simple statement that serves to remind us that action produces results.

What results are your current actions producing?

  • Are you just getting by?
  • Are you feeling so overwhelmed that you ignore every chance that comes up allowing you to proceed down a different financial path?
  • Are you working a plan that is working well for you?
  • Are you afraid?

Ah, there's the truth; fear stops you from taking action on handling your finances. Each of us will not share the exact same fear, however, most of us live with some sort of fear about money. Do you fear not having enough? Or fear that you can't recover from the mismanagement you've done to date? Is your fear that you should be doing better managing your investments? Or fear the responsibility of managing it at all?

The Only Thing Stopping You Is You
For every contradiction that you could provide to that statement, I could counter each one. However, it would be a useless exercise because each stems from that same belief; the only thing stopping you from moving forward financially is you.


For example, here are a few common thoughts we use as roadblocks:

  • Waiting for "the right time"...No such thing exists.
  • Worrying about the perceptions of others...You are only responsible for yourself and accountable to yourself.
  • Life is unfair...Life is just biology; you are the one that defines it in any other way.
I could go on but have you gotten my drift? It's all in the way you look at it. The way you perceive things becomes the way things are, in your mind. Why not look at things with a positive spin?

What Do I Mean By Moving Forward Financially?
Just that. When it comes to your finances, there is no looking back at the job choices you've made, the money you've spent, etc. It's all past tense; there isn't anything you can do to change them. What you do have the ability to change is from today going forward.

Your top priority is to appreciate who you were, realize that the choices you made were the best you could do at the time and forgive yourself. Although looking back may feel like you are moving backwards, you are not. You are simply showing yourself love, patience and grace. This step is to sweep aside all of that past stuff and prepare yourself for moving forward. Do not keep rehashing the past because that will not, I repeat not, ever move you forward.

The present is all you need concern yourself with and this "in the moment thinking" will make you unstoppable, if you allow it.

Think about it. If you move forward with the thoughts and feelings of love for yourself and the positive feelings of excitement towards where you are heading, why would you even want to create those roadblocks? Instead, you will more likely only see bumps that might need a little navigating to get over, under or around but will never block you.

Find Your Plan and Move Forward
Where you go from here is up to you. What is your plan? Are you going to ease into this change through a babystep approach by choosing a small first step to work on and proceed slowly from there? Are you going to create a megalist of everything that needs changing and start working down the list? Maybe you're somewhere in the middle. Regardless, as long as you realize that the only "must do" is to move forward, you will be successful.

After deciding on your basic strategy, do your research and look at the numerous methods for acquiring, saving and spending money. Find the financial strategy that does work for you---that motivates you, utilizes your strengths, does not work against you, etc.--and move forward on it!

If you give it some time and find that the strategy you are pursing does not suit you as well as you'd thought, repeat the process. Life is not stagnant. It has an ebb and flow; a changing of seasons. A plan that is not working for you is a signal for a new season to begin. Recognize it and continue to move forward.

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Photo Credit: Fear In The Eye
Photo Credit: Dollar Sign In Eye

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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TCOY Spotlight ~ Simple Marriage

For awhile now I've considered dedicating a post to Simple Marriage, a favorite blog I read. So much of what Corey Allan and Mary Ann Crossno write resonates with the importance of Taking Care Of Yourself. Focusing on TCOY within the realm of marriage, or any significant other relationship, and growing yourself will go far in making that relationship a quality relationship.

Here are a sampling of thoughts from some of my favorite posts at Simple Marriage:
(inc. guest posts by Corey as a contributor to another blog)

How To Say I’m Sorry: The 5 Steps To A Genuine Apology
by Mary Ann Crossno

The words “I’m sorry, I apologize, and Forgive me” are so easily said that they’ve lost their meaning. Ever get an apology that left you wondering whether or not the person apologizing had a clue about what hurt your feelings? Or maybe you were shaking your head, thinking, “I see your lips moving, but I don’t believe what you’re saying.”

In the real deal, both the offended and the offender walk away feeling

* heard and validated,
* accountable and responsible,
* competent and confident.

You do not need to plead for your partner to restore your sense of self by either asking (begging) for forgiveness or to accept your apology. You are forgiving yourself by holding yourself accountable to your partner while taking full responsibility for your actions, and committing to act differently.

The real deal respects and enhances the integrity of you and your partner. A genuine apology is heavy lifting in going deep into taking your shape - and becoming the best partner you can be, regardless of what your partner does or does not do.

What’s Wrong And How Do We Fix It?
by Corey Allan

First, choose to stick it out.

Second, what you focus on - grows. This philosophy is true. If you focus solely on what's wrong, everything will appear wrong.

Instead, focus on yourself and your contributions to the marriage. Ask this: would you want to be married to you?

How To Fight In Marriage: Start Well - End Well
by Mary Ann Crossno

This is true whether you are in a master marriage or a disaster marriage - happy and unhappy couples fight about the same things. Fighting is not the cause of unhappy marriages - it’s how couples fight that makes the difference.

I have a part in every issue. Sometimes I know what it is. Sometimes I’m blind to what it is. Sometimes neither one of us knows what it is. But I have a part - so naming it and claiming it is the best place for me to start.

Recalling the good he does when I bring up a problem reminds both him and me that we are more than this problem.

What Do I Do When My Spouse And I Aren’t On The Same Page?
by Corey Allan

It’s interesting that we will treat common strangers with more respect than those in our home. One of the key factors to a successful marriage is respect. Respect for those around you, and respect for yourself.

This involves an awareness and understanding of your beliefs, wants, needs and desires. Marriage is a great place to clarify these things in your life.

Author Rob Bell refers to marriage as “thousands of little conversations about how two people are going to do life together.”

One thing to keep in mind, is that if you’re over-functioning for someone, by definition you are under-functioning for yourself.

Linked within the above post was my absolute favorite post by Corey Allan of Simple Marriage. I dare say that I can pinpoint how I felt after reading it as
the catalyst for finally taking the creation of TCOYou.com from a thought to a reality. (Thank you Corey)

Putting First Things First - Where Are You On The List?
by Corey Allan

When it comes to your life, who is the most important person in the world to you?

The answer - YOU. You are the most important person in the world to you.

The simple truth is that nobody can take care of you better than you. Plus, if you don’t love yourself, how can you possibly offer love to anyone else? I assume you’ve heard the safety procedure on an airplane about putting on your own oxygen mask before trying to help others. This advice applies to marriage as well as parenting.

(Look familiar?)

After reading the above posts, I'd be willing to bet you also saw how Simple Marriage and Taking Care Of You (TCOY) work toward the same end result.

Putting yourself in the line of priority, and right in front, is not selfish thinking but rather just thinking proactively. There is no better person to know, understand or believe in than you. Besides showing a great example to others in our sphere of influence, TCOY sets up a stable foundation for authentic happiness and life fulfillment. Knowing yourself and having your needs met by you, rather than relying on an outside source, brings a healthier you into every relationship as well.

When you post a reply to one of the inspirational posts over at Simple Marriage, let Corey and Mary Ann know that Suzanne over at TCOYou.com says "hello".

Until next time...Take Care Of You!

Photo Credit: Heart Spotlight

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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Quote To Reflect Upon (Jul09)


It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
- E.E. Cummings



Until next time...Take Care Of You!


Photo Credit: Light Reflection

Copyright © 2009 by tcoyou.com | all rights reserved

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