For awhile now I've considered dedicating a post to Simple Marriage, a favorite blog I read. So much of what Corey Allan and Mary Ann Crossno write resonates with the importance of Taking Care Of Yourself. Focusing on TCOY within the realm of marriage, or any significant other relationship, and growing yourself will go far in making that relationship a quality relationship.
Here are a sampling of thoughts from some of my favorite posts at Simple Marriage:
(inc. guest posts by Corey as a contributor to another blog)
How To Say I’m Sorry: The 5 Steps To A Genuine Apology
by Mary Ann Crossno
The words “I’m sorry, I apologize, and Forgive me” are so easily said that they’ve lost their meaning. Ever get an apology that left you wondering whether or not the person apologizing had a clue about what hurt your feelings? Or maybe you were shaking your head, thinking, “I see your lips moving, but I don’t believe what you’re saying.”
In the real deal, both the offended and the offender walk away feeling
* heard and validated,
* accountable and responsible,
* competent and confident.
You do not need to plead for your partner to restore your sense of self by either asking (begging) for forgiveness or to accept your apology. You are forgiving yourself by holding yourself accountable to your partner while taking full responsibility for your actions, and committing to act differently.
The real deal respects and enhances the integrity of you and your partner. A genuine apology is heavy lifting in going deep into taking your shape - and becoming the best partner you can be, regardless of what your partner does or does not do.
What’s Wrong And How Do We Fix It?
by Corey Allan
First, choose to stick it out.
Second, what you focus on - grows. This philosophy is true. If you focus solely on what's wrong, everything will appear wrong.
Instead, focus on yourself and your contributions to the marriage. Ask this: would you want to be married to you?
How To Fight In Marriage: Start Well - End Well
by Mary Ann Crossno
This is true whether you are in a master marriage or a disaster marriage - happy and unhappy couples fight about the same things. Fighting is not the cause of unhappy marriages - it’s how couples fight that makes the difference.
I have a part in every issue. Sometimes I know what it is. Sometimes I’m blind to what it is. Sometimes neither one of us knows what it is. But I have a part - so naming it and claiming it is the best place for me to start.
Recalling the good he does when I bring up a problem reminds both him and me that we are more than this problem.
What Do I Do When My Spouse And I Aren’t On The Same Page?
by Corey Allan
It’s interesting that we will treat common strangers with more respect than those in our home. One of the key factors to a successful marriage is respect. Respect for those around you, and respect for yourself.
This involves an awareness and understanding of your beliefs, wants, needs and desires. Marriage is a great place to clarify these things in your life.
Author Rob Bell refers to marriage as “thousands of little conversations about how two people are going to do life together.”
One thing to keep in mind, is that if you’re over-functioning for someone, by definition you are under-functioning for yourself.
Linked within the above post was my absolute favorite post by Corey Allan of Simple Marriage. I dare say that I can pinpoint how I felt after reading it as the catalyst for finally taking the creation of TCOYou.com from a thought to a reality. (Thank you Corey)
Putting First Things First - Where Are You On The List?
by Corey Allan
When it comes to your life, who is the most important person in the world to you?
The answer - YOU. You are the most important person in the world to you.
The simple truth is that nobody can take care of you better than you. Plus, if you don’t love yourself, how can you possibly offer love to anyone else? I assume you’ve heard the safety procedure on an airplane about putting on your own oxygen mask before trying to help others. This advice applies to marriage as well as parenting.
After reading the above posts, I'd be willing to bet you also saw how Simple Marriage and Taking Care Of You (TCOY) work toward the same end result.
Putting yourself in the line of priority, and right in front, is not selfish thinking but rather just thinking proactively. There is no better person to know, understand or believe in than you. Besides showing a great example to others in our sphere of influence, TCOY sets up a stable foundation for authentic happiness and life fulfillment. Knowing yourself and having your needs met by you, rather than relying on an outside source, brings a healthier you into every relationship as well.
When you post a reply to one of the inspirational posts over at Simple Marriage, let Corey and Mary Ann know that Suzanne over at TCOYou.com says "hello".
Until next time...Take Care Of You!
Photo Credit: Heart Spotlight
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